Re:Center

After losing your job, one of the most important steps is to take a moment for yourself.

This is the first in a five-part series titled Re: Grouping--The First Five Things to Do After You’ve Lost Your Job

There is no preparation for it and even if you know it is coming, it is still a shock when you find yourself out of work. You find yourself having to rethink and revise every aspect of your life. You must pivot mentally, physically, financially, emotionally, and professionally.

And although I cannot fully help you adjust to being out of work, I can offer you a blueprint for the immediate steps you need to take as you adjust to your new situation. This is the first of a five-part series that will help minimize the negative impact being out of work will have upon you. It will help you build resilience as you develop your new path.

Step 1

Re: Center- Absorb Your Situation

I do not recommend people spend too much time on this immediately after losing their job— you will have plenty of downtime in the next few weeks and fully absorbing your situation is a gradual process. Emotions should not be rushed. Anyone who says that they were immediately OK after losing work is likely covering. The immediate drinking in of your situation is something that should not be skipped. How you do this step is as unique as you are. But there are a few recommendations to help you get through this initial phase of your re-employment.

Go Somewhere You Like

Over and over clients have told me that the best thing they did after being told they no longer had a job was to find a quiet place and to clear their minds and mentally accept that they were out of work. Some found it comforting to spend some time outside, some went to their favorite coffee place or restaurant and treated themselves to a nice meal, others went on a long drive, and still, others went home. Go to a place that relates to a fond memory. You do not necessarily have to do an activity while you are there, in fact, it is better if you don’t. Being somewhere that you associate with warmth and comfort will take some of the sting out of your situation and will help your mind and body shake any negative feelings and emotions you may have. Although how you feel is normal, taking a moment will help you take control of your emotions and prevent them from taking control of you. This will become an essential practice later.

Stay As Long As You Need

There is no time limit on this step. If you only need a few minutes, take it. If you need an hour, take it. Unless you have a pressing obligation, stay. This is your moment and time. You are not being selfish here; you are practicing self-care. Another skill that will serve you well in the time to come.

Be Mindful and Present

Doing nothing is essential here. You want to be cognizant of all of the things you are feeling. Doing an activity tends to block out those important thoughts and feelings. You want to allow your mood to wash over you, but not overtake you. Practice listening to your thoughts but not getting tangled in them.

Breathe

If you find yourself having that imaginary debate in your head and feeling something too harshly or if looking at your emotions is too painful, practicing taking a moment to breathe deeply to create some distance. Try this technique:

·       Focus on breathing in for a count of four;

·       Hold your breath for a count of four;

·       Release your breath for a count of four.

·       Repeat this cycle at least four times.

Concentrating on the steps of breathing and counting is a way to harness your emotions so that you can calm yourself while still recognizing how you are feeling.

Remind Yourself of Your Value

Another way to regroup is to remind yourself of your skills and your talents. Often when we separate from a company, even the best of us, believe we have failed. Often the separation is a business decision. Although you will later revisit your triumphs and accomplishments, taking just a few moments to remind yourself that you are indeed an asset, is a great way to move forward in the process. It is also a pleasant reminder to yourself that you deserve to be a part of an organization that values you and what you do.

Losing a job is difficult and with loss comes grief. Over the next few weeks and maybe even months, you will find yourself cycling through many emotions. For now, drink in the situation and honor how you feel.

You can learn more about how to emerge from unemployment stronger and more resilient than ever, in my upcoming book, Agile Unemployment: Your Guide to Thriving While Out of Work, to be released in August. You can find more details on how to handle being out of work, as well as set up a coaching session at Re: Working Works.

Look for Part II of the series The First Five Things to Do After You’ve Lost Your Job: Letting Others Know of Your Unemployment where we’ll look at the necessary and difficult undertaking of sharing your new situation with others.