RE: POSITIONING- SHIFTING THE WAY WE LOOK AT THINGS

There are no words to describe the shame and devastation I felt when I first lost my job. Work defined me. I often said that although I was a flawed person, I always knew I was unstoppable at work. And then one day I had no work to go to and my entire belief system began to crumble. At first, it was devastating but tolerable. I had always taken pride in being able to take care of myself. I have been on my own since a very early age. I put myself through college and grad school. And I was always the one who took care of others. When I first lost my job, I had money in savings and a decent 401K and I used that to get by. Until it ran out.

Suddenly I found myself truly on the brink of financial ruin. Until then I had staved off applying for unemployment benefits because, in my mind, I felt they were for people who truly needed them and because in my mind, by taking those benefits, I was admitting that I could no longer take care of myself.

Here is the hard truth about those things. Unemployment benefits are there for everyone. Governments made the decision about who truly needs the benefits and they are there so that you can stay on your feet and be a contributing member of society. You receiving benefits does not take them away from another person. And you and your former employer have been paying into the system for just this situation. The benefits are yours to take. They are not a sign of weakness, they are a means of support so that you can have as minimal damage to your health and wellbeing as possible before returning to work.

While I was out of work, I waited for several mnoths to file unemployment. Big mistake. I was not only missing out on funds that I could have used, but I was missing out on important benefits such as job boards and educational resources. There would come a time when I leaned heavily on both. Unemployment payments did not equal my salary, but more than once, they helped me keep the lights on.

I also waited to apply for healthcare assistance and did so only because it was the law. Up to that point while out of work, I had been very lucky and my health was fine. Although I did end up having to pay a small fortune for a flu shot because I was uninsured. Applying for healthcare in my state was relatively easy and by the new year, I had state-sponsored healthcare (the insurance exchanges are all based upon need, and being that I had no household income to speak of, healthcare was virtually free). I was never so grateful for healthcare as a month later when I became ill with what turned out to be walking pneumonia. It took six weeks for me to recover. Had I not had that healthcare card, I doubt I would have sought medical treatment.

And finally, the one resource that took me the longest to seek out but ended up saving me over and over again were my SNAP (Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program) benefits— often called the Independence card which sounds so much better than the term I knew growing up, “food stamps”. After six months of little income, I applied for this program and received a full single person’s stipend. This amounted to over $300 a month for food. This truly saved me. It not only provided me with food but allowed me to take the money I would have put toward food, to others things that were necessities such as my car payment.

Three things— Unemployment Payments, Healthcare, and SNA Benefits all got me through being unemployed. And I was deeply ashamed anytime I had to use them. And it wasn’t easy. And yes, people commented and judged. I recall being at one of my doctor’s offices trying to use my healthcare card. I had been seeing this doctor for the better part of a decade and loved him. I handed his receptionist my state-sponsored Medicaid card and she asked me to have a seat. Then of course she called across the office to me, “We don’t take Medicaid. You need to go to a free clinic if you can’t afford healthcare.” My pride got in my way and I paid that doctor full cost to save face and to see him.

But that recognition runs both ways. The first time I went to use my Independence card, I went to my usual grocery store. And of course the credit card machine wasn’t working properly and I had to give the cashier my card so she could manually enter the number. The cashier was my favorite store employee, Charlotte. She was always sweet and friendly and would patiently wait every single week while I ran out to my car to get the reusable grocery bags that I always forgot to bring in. Humiliated, I handed her my card and waited while she finished my transaction. I looked to her expecting pity or disdain. Instead, she calmly handed me back my card, met my eyes, and said, “Honey, you do know it is going to be all right, don’t you?” I cried the whole way home. Not because of needing the Independence card but because Charlotte had shown me an understanding and humanity that I had not allowed myself. She was right, things were going to be OK. My situation was temporary and I would get at it and I have.

I know look at those three cards very differently. I once looked at those three cards with disappointment and embarrassment. I took them as symbols that I had failed. Failed at work. Failed at taking care of myself. Failed at life. But now they are proudly posted on my refrigerator for anyone who comes into my home to see. And every once in a while someone asks me about them. And I tell them the truth. These cards are a symbol of my accomplishment. I not only survived unemployment, but I thrived in it. I learned and I grew. I now look at those cards as a symbol of how I have succeeded. I learned I was made of much tougher stuff than I ever thought. But I also learned that it is OK to need and ask for help. I learned to take help when it is offered.

If you are reading this, the chances are that you might need assistance. Ask for it. Use it to learn and grow. You do know that things are going to be OK, don’t you? And when they are, you will look back on this time and remember that you too managed to thrive in unemployment. And when someone asks you for help, you will not only offer it, but you also remind them that things will be OK.